Dear Nonexistent Roommate,
Welcome home! I’m so happy to have you. Despite the fact that you’re not very helpful – you do tend to leave me with all the dishes – you make great company, don’t take up much space, and have been super duper accommodating about my habits so far. Even though it’s only been a couple of weeks, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
When I come home from work after a rough day, it’s so nice to know that I can just plop down on the couch, complain out loud, and re-watch as many episodes of Nashville and SNL as I want! And you never get annoyed! When I play “Call Me Maybe” on repeat and dance around in rompers, you smile silently but encouragingly, reassuring me that I’m probably the best dancer the world has ever seen. Not to mention your listening skills. I mean, wow. You’re just the best.
Space-wise, I just want to thank you for keeping all of your belongings so centralized. I know we have two closets, but I really do need a whole one for my shoes/laundry basket/extra clothes I brought from my parents’ house and don’t really need but have never bothered to take back. You leave room for all my frozen pizzas and paneer tikka masalas in the freezer, don’t complain about the lack of counter space in the kitchen, and haven’t imposed on my decorative bookshelves with any of your found objects or literary favorites. You are probably aware that the found objects would have been a deal breaker. Nevertheless, I’d just like to express my appreciation for your awareness. I never even had to mention it!
Re: my habits. You so totally understand me, girl. Sleeping through Zumba? You remain nonjudgmental. Letting my vegetables go bad? You work around it. Throwing my clothes everywhere until you can barely see the floor? You navigate around them on tiptoe, minimizing damage to garments. You aren’t even bothered by my half-hour showers, or the hair I leave all over the walls. Really, you’re just so easygoing. It’s a lovely and symbiotic relationship.
The holidays are a time to express gratitude for your loved ones. So, this is just to say thank you, for everything you do for me. Merry Christmas. I look forward to hoarding and eating all the shortbread, while you watch silently, eating none, and remaining non-judgmental. Youdabesttt.
*Originally posted on http://mynameisgrazy.tumblr.com*